MONDAY MOTIVATION - In Your Own Words

This week, at our support meeting, we will be learning to journal our cancer stories - through writing and art. It's a good idea to start thinking about what you'll want to include in your cancer story. Here's a list of some of the things I've written about...

Finding Out I Have Cancer
A Bi-Lateral Mastectomy Surgery
Chemotherapy
Side Effects
Tests
Losing Hair
Scars
The Color Pink
Expanders
Reconstructive Surgery
My Port

If you will be attending our support group, please take a few minutes to think about what you would like to write about. Here is a page from my cancer story...



Nadine Gordimer said: “Writing is making sense of life." I really do believe that. Writing to me is therapeutic. I've found that if I can just write about what happened to me - the good and the bad - that it will leave the place it occupies in my head, and not bother me as much anymore. I waited for 1 year before I could even write about having my bi-lateral mastectomy. It was too difficult to write about at first, and then I started to forget. But, once I started writing, it all came back.

I've also found that if I can't write about something, I can probably express myself in other ways - art journaling, for instance. What colors and images come to mind when you think about your cancer journey? This week, I'm going to try to take a blank sheet of paper and create my feelings about my cancer journey. Here are a few beautiful pages that illustrate what art journaling is:




Please join us this Thursday for a wonderful, create, purging night.
-Kara

MONDAY MOTIVATION - How Firm A Foundation

At church yesterday, we sang the fourth and fifth verses of the hymn, How Firm A Foundation. I've never heard these verses before, and I was touched by the words. It's a reminder to me that God knows me and cares about what I'm going through. I thought I'd share these two verses here today...

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

I especially love the last two sentences - the trials we go through are only meant to refine us.

-Kara

MONDAY MOTIVATION - Live Strong

I recently received some material from LiveStrong - Lance Armstrong's Cancer group. I took some time to read through the guidebook, and found the LiveStrong Manifesto. It touched me, and got me thinking. I'd like to share a few lines here:

"We believe in life. We believe in living every minute of it with every ounce of your being. You must not let cancer take control of it. We believe in energy: channeled and fierce. We believe in focus: getting smart and living strong. You're in the fight of your life. And we know the fight never ends. Cancer may leave your body, but it never leaves your life."

We believe in living every minute of it with every ounce of your being - there is a woman that lives somewhere near me, who walks every single day. She walks with the help of a walker-type thing. She walks in spring, summer, fall, and winter. There is rarely a day that I don't see her out walking. And I'm pretty sure she is fighting against some terrible disease. She looks very thin, and at times has had no hair. I noticed her before I was diagnosed, and wondered what the story was. I watched her all through my cancer journey - trying to figure out how she had the strength to leave the house and exercise every day. I still see her. It just amazes me. Whenever I catch her eye, she smiles and waves. When I read this line in the LiveStrong manifesto, I thought of her. She obviously believes in living every minute of every day with every ounce of her strength. I wish I would have been like her during my chemo. I think I would have healed faster. What an inspiration she is.

We believe in energy: channeled and fierce - One of the things people, especially family members, would say to me during my treatments, was "You need to focus on getting better. You need to take care of yourself". I put everything else aside during that year and a half. I really did put myself first. Now, that was a hard thing for me to do. I don't like putting myself first. I've got 4 kids, and a husband who all need me. However, I recognized (finally) the wisdom in taking care of myself. I knew it wouldn't last forever, and I needed to channel every bit of the energy I had toward fighting the cancer. So, I really connected with this line in the manifesto.

We believe in focus: getting smart and living strong. This line jumped out at me, because I think that it's where I am right now - trying to figure out how to live strong and be smart about taking care of myself. What kinds of food can I eat that will give me the best nutrition, and not hurt me. What exercises are the most effective - how do I become stronger, and fight off recurrence? How do I take care of not only my body, but my mind as well. How do I manage everything that has happened, and make it work with what I want my life to be like now? There are so many things to figure out, but one thing I know - I have to get smart and live strong!

The last few lines I shared is something I've tried to explain to friends and family, and haven't been able to get quite right - We know the fight never ends. Cancer may leave your body, but it never leaves your life. I know there are people who go through cancer, fight for their lives, get through treatments, and then get on with their lives - they put their cancer journeys behind them. I can't do that. I've known for a long time that I can't just forget what happened. It was an awful thing to go through, and I know that there are thousands of women going through the same thing right now - and there will be thousands more who will have to go through it in the future. If what I experienced can help even one of them, then I have to be involved. The other day, I was looking at buying a Hope purse from Miche Bags, and I had a catalog sitting on my table. My husband started to flip through the catalog, and asked which purse design I was thinking about getting. I told him that I wanted the Hope bag - which is a breast cancer bag. He looked at me and said "Can we not just put this behind us?" Do I wish I could just put it behind me? Sure. Can I? No. Because cancer leaves our bodies, but never leaves our lives. It's part of us. It's part of me. I hope that the experience I had with cancer can be useful to someone else.

"Cancer is a long, hard road. But if there's one thing cancer has taught me, it is that we are stronger than we think. The journey may be frightening and challenging. But, when the way gets tough, we find the strength to go on."
-Lance Armstrong

MONDAY MOTIVATION - Each Day is a NEW Day

I'd like to share the following quote with you:

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love the idea that each new day is a NEW day - that we don't need to worry about mistakes or bad decisions, from the previous day. That day is over. Today is a new opportunity to make good choices, and do important things. When I think about this in relation to our cancer journeys, I wonder what lessons we can learn?

Yesterday might have been a difficult day - maybe you were angry once again that you have to deal with cancer. Maybe you just didn't want to talk to anyone, so you didn't answer the phone. Maybe you slept the whole day, because you just didn't have the strength of body or mind to get out of bed. And maybe at the end of yesterday, you felt awful for whatever reason. I've been right there experiencing each of these things, and others.

Today you can start over...

There is nothing wrong with being angry - it's one of the steps of grief. But, maybe today, instead of being angry, you can try to find just one blessing you have been blessed with - just ONE. Once you've found one blessing - acknowledge it. Try to find the joy in that blessing. And be grateful - gratitude is so important.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to talk to people. Sometimes you just need to go one full day without trying to explain your illness to people. But, maybe today you could decide to take just one or two calls. Try to realize that most people who call are simply worried, and want to help. Let them. It will not only help you - it will bless them as well.

There is nothing wrong with staying in bed all day - I've done it more than once! There are days when you just simply need the rest. It's restorative. Today, try to get up and make a small plan... decide to eat something that will make you stronger, even if it's just something small... step outside and smell those wonderful smells of flowers, grass, sun... do a SMALL household chore - just to prove to yourself you can - do a small batch of laundry, or wash a few dishes, you'll feel a sense of accomplishment, and you'll feel better knowing that you are NOT helpless.

No matter what you did yesterday, today is a NEW day. If you tried to stay busy yesterday, today rest - take care of yourself. If you made dinner yesterday, today let someone else do it. I think that focusing on each day as a separate day - with new possibilities - is good for us. And, if nothing else, work on your acceptance and attitude. Again, there is nothing wrong with going through the steps of grief, including denial, anger, etc. But, I've found that it's so much easier to try to be happy - much easier to put a smile on my face than a frown.

Martha Washington said about attitude: "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."

Make today a NEW day - be happy, feel better, and know that there are people thinking about you and praying for you. Have a GREAT day!

-Kara

MONDAY MOTIVATION - IN THE ARMS OF A MOTHER

This weekend was a momentous one for our family. We were all together for what will probably be the last time - at least for about 4 1/2 years. My oldest son, Grant (23), came home from college to spend some time with us. We spent Saturday as a family - it was Michael's 21st birthday. We had a great time together. Family pictures were in order. Even though it snowed in the morning, we were able to go in the afternoon and spend time at the Utah State Hospital grounds - what is referred to as "Provo Castle" - for pictures. This is a really old, rock amphitheater - we got some great pictures (I hope - I have yet to see them). We laughed, and laughed, as we tried to be serious for the pictures. Grant took them - he has started a photography business - and I saw just how hard and time-consuming it is to set a picture up that you, yourself, have to be in. But, I'm grateful I could have him do that. The kids played around on the grounds - even going so far as to have races rolling down the hill. You'd think they were all under 5! We went to lunch - something that doesn't happen very often because of the cost. And, then, that night, Michael, Grant, Rick, and I went to see the movie, Atlas Shrugged - something we'd been waiting to do for awhile. We've all read the book, and couldn't wait to see the movie. Anyone who hadn't read the book (Alex and Matthew), had to stay home! ;-)

All in all, it was a wonderful day - a special kind of day that we don't often get to have. And won't, again, for a long time. You see, Grant is leaving the country for a summer job, and he won't be back until the end of August. Michael is leaving on August 3rd for an LDS mission - we won't see him again for 2 years. He'll leave before Grant comes home. And then, Alex (who is almost 17), will most likely leave for his mission before Michael returns home. He, also, will be gone for 2 years. By the time he returns home, we will probably have more members of the family. So, this really is probably the last time we will be a family - together - just the way we are right now. My heart is breaking just a little bit at the thought.

Late Saturday night, Rick gave Grant a priesthood blessing - a father's blessing (something we do in our church) for his protection and safety. And then Grant spent some time giving Michael advice about his mission. It was very tender. There was a lot of weeping.

If you would have driven past our house on Saturday night - just a little bit after 10:00 pm - you would have seen what looked like a football huddle out on the lawn, next to Grant's car. It was actually a huddle hug. We all grabbed each other, and hugged tight - arms wrapped around bodies. It felt, to me, like something was ending. Some precious, special time. I can't adequately describe it. Of course, I was the only one who felt like my body was cracking apart. With a house full of boys, there is usually some confusion at to why Mom is crying at any given point! But, I'm so grateful for that time - for the huddle hug. A mother needs to have her arms around her children sometimes. Ah... those beautiful, beautiful boys of mine!

As I've been reflecting on my feelings this weekend, I've tried to pinpoint why I had to have that time - just the six of us. Why was it so important to me? 2.5 years ago, when I was diagnosed with cancer, that's all I wanted - to gather my kids and husband around me, and not let them out of my sight. My son, Grant, was on a mission in Japan, and I could physically feel that hole in my life. I remember not being able to sleep at night, and roaming my house - looking in on my children and watching them sleep. If I could just touch each of them each day, that was enough to get me through whatever the day held. Why is that? Why is it that at every momentous time in our lives, having family near is so important? As important as food or water, or even air.

As you can probably tell, I'm having a hard time with this changing time in my life. I don't want my kids to grow up and leave. As a mother, just the thought rips my heart to shreds. But... life goes on, doesn't it? We grow, we survive, we thrive. We look forward - not backward - and continue to find joy in simple things. Things like putting our arms around our children, or feeling gratitude for a sweet neighbor who serves us, or even just waking up to another beautiful day here on this earth.

I hope all of you can find something that will give you joy - no matter what you have to face in the future.

-Kara

MONDAY MOTIVATION - Click For Your Mama Video

Just saw this video on facebook. Love it!! If you look down on the right hand sidebar of our blog, you'll find a place to click that will take you to the Breast Cancer website, where you can click once a day to help women in need with FREE mammograms.

MONDAY MOTIVATION - Chocolates

I was looking for a good quote to post here today. I looked up quotes on happiness, and that naturally led me to quotes on chocolates. (What? You don't see how that could happen??!) And then this quote popped up...

"Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get." Forrest Gump in "Forrest Gump" (1994)

That got me thinking - about life's ups and downs (not to mention, chocolate), and I decided that it's true - you never know what life will bring. Think about a big box of chocolates:



The first thing you do (if you're like me), is eat all of the square shaped pieces. Because, those are the chocolate covered caramels - and there is NOTHING better than that. Of course, in life, you pick out all the greatest, funnest, coolest things - first kiss, marriage, ideal job, babies, opera - you get the idea!



Next, you try to NOT pick out those pieces that are round, and kind of big - because you know that you'll bite into a chocolate-covered cherry. Yuck! Life has those too - job loss, death, disease, unhappiness.

So, you search and search through the remaining pieces, looking for something that might have a yummy surprise inside - sometimes you pick out a winner, and sometime, you get one that is just a variation on the chocolate cherry. But, does that stop you from trying again? Well.... NO! And, even those pieces that aren't that great still have chocolate on the outside, right?! So, there is something good there.

So, search through your box of chocolates - partake of the good stuff, and even a few of the not-so-good, share, and share more, and ENJOY your life! Even the chocolate-covered cherry parts.



(Since this is a breast cancer blog - I'd better mention the "In Moderation" part of chocolate. You girls know what I mean, right? Oh, and dark chocolate is healthier than milk chocolate. There - I feel better.)

OK, I need some chocolate!

MONDAY MOTIVATION - Lose Yourself in Service

Something exciting happened in my family last week. I hope you won't mind if I share it with you. The church I belong to - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon church - offers the opportunity of missionary work to its members. Young men (age 19), are asked to serve a mission somewhere in the world - for 2 years. (Many young women and couples also serve missions.) My son, Michael, just received his mission call - he is going to spend 2 years in Veracruz, Mexico!

This mission call has caused me to pause and think a lot about service. Missionaries (and their families) pay for their own missions (about $10,000), they don't work for those two years. They spend their time studying, learning, teaching, and serving. It's an amazing opportunity - one that cannot be equaled. My oldest son, Grant, served a mission in Fukuoka Japan for 2 years, and he came home a changed man. It was an amazing transformation for a mother to watch. The thing he learned that was most important, in my opinion, is that we must serve other people.

Service is something that changes lives. While going through my cancer journey - especially through all of my treatments - I was the recipient of an outpouring of service. My mother served as she took me to every one of my chemo treatments, stayed with me all day, brought me back home, and made sure I was comfortable. My sister, Kris, served me by being my Bosom Buddy - the one who went to every one of my appointments at the plastic surgeon's - holding my hand through every single injection, through bandages being removed, and stood right next to me, looking at my new image in the mirror. Other friends, and family, served my family through dinners, cards and letters, gifts, phone calls, etc. All of this service was invaluable to me. It helped me through my cancer journey, and instilled in me a desire to serve other cancer survivors. It changed me, and I'm sure it changed each person who served me.

I love the words of Mohandas Gandhi:

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

"All other pleasures and possessions pale into nothingness before service which is rendered in a spirit of joy."

We, as women, are especially drawn to service - it strengthens us and lifts us up.

As Gandhi said: "I have worshipped woman as the living embodiment of the spirit of service and sacrifice."

As you go through your cancer journey, let others serve you. Allow them to shower you with love and help. Then, when you feel better, let their service influence you into serving as well.

Have a wonderful day!

-Kara

MONDAY MOTIVATION - Pass It On

I'm sure I've shared this with you before, but I wanted to again point out a breast cancer blog that I love - Breast Cancer Sisterhood. Each and every Monday, I get an email from Brenda Coffee, the owner of the blog, because I'm lucky enough to be on her mailing list. I read each one of her weekly posts, and I've learned so much from her experiences. This morning's post hit me right between the eyes, because it's something I've been thinking long and hard about recently. The post is called "Breast Cancer and Survival - Pass It On". Brenda talks about the importance of helping other people through their cancer journeys - as both a fellow survivor and a caregiver.

Helping to start this group called Sister Survivors has been one of the hardest, most challenging, and yet most rewarding things I've ever done. Yes, there have been times when I wish I wouldn't have felt the need to continue being close to that thing I hate so much - breast cancer. I don't mind admitting that I wish sometimes that I could walk away from it, and just be finished. But, I can't. I'll let you in on a secret I don't tell many people - I'm doing this because I promised God I would. I did. When I was right in the thick of things - treatments, surgeries, etc. - I recognized that there were just too many miracles happening to ignore the fact that I was receiving divine help through a terrible ordeal. And, I promised Him that after I was through - and I felt well enough - I would devote my time to helping other women who would struggle through this disease. So, even though it's been tough, I'm not going to back down. It's personal for me. I sincerely want to help. I enjoy it.

I hope Brenda won't mind if I share part of the last paragraph of her post here...

She says: "I believe every one who’s experienced pain and loss has a responsibility to help those around them in need. You may not feel like it, and you don’t have to take it on as an Olympic challenge, but I promise, it will be one of the most therapeutic things you can do for yourself and for someone else. We need one another in order to survive this life, so take what you’ve learned, a little or a lot, and pay it forward."

I believe every word of that. I believe that we should all take the experiences we've had, and share our knowledge with others who need it. I truly believe that the words DUTY and RESPONSIBILITY apply directly here. I hope that when you are feeling better - when you feel you can help, even just a little bit - you'll take the opportunity to do it. Because Brenda is right - it is one of the most therapeutic things you can do for yourself and someone else.

If you'd like to read the rest of Brenda's post today (I encourage you to), just click HERE, and you'll be redirected to her blog.

Make today a great day!
-Kara