MONDAY MEMOIRS - Becoming Real...

I just read a great post on Writing Through Cancer. I was looking for ideas for writing prompts, and this is a site I sometimes go to for inspiration. The post for this week is absolutely beautiful. In fact, it has to do with just that - beauty. The author, who I believe is Sharon Bray, talks about the struggle cancer survivors sometimes have with their new bodies. It made me think about my body, and the changes it has been through...

I would be lying if I said that it has been easy - getting used to this new body I have. It hasn't. In fact, I'll never, ever forget that moment when the bandages came off - after my bi-lateral mastectomy. I was with my best friend, Lori. The doctor took the bandages off, and then stepped out of the office for a minute. I stood up - scared to death to look in the mirror and see what wasn't there. Lori and I stood side by side staring into that mirror. It took my breath away. I remember the feeling of loss - wishing I wouldn't have gone through with it. Wishing I could go back and make a different decision, even though I knew my decision was the right one for me. I would never look the same again. I took me quite a long time to come to terms with my new look. I was nervous (understatement of a lifetime!) to show my husband. I don't know why - I should have known that he'd love me, no matter what. But, it wasn't easy. I've gradually become used to the way I look, and I'm grateful for the work my doctor has done. It's made me "whole" again.

Sharon Bray talks about the Velveteen Rabbit - how he wants to become real. I love the quote from the Skin Horse. The Velveteen Rabbit wonders how long it takes to become real... "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

When I was newly married, I was healthy, thin, and pretty - no wrinkles, no scars, no evidence of a life lived. Now - 25 years later - I'm not thin anymore, I'm starting to lose my tight skin and find the wrinkles, and I've definitely got scars - some from childbirth, some from surgeries, and some from illness. "But these things don't matter" because I'm REAL - I'm BECOMING.

Some of us have had surgeries. Some have had chemo. Some have had radiation.

Whatever the "stops" were on your cancer journey - you've changed. You've become a little more real.

Take a few minutes to write about the changes your body has gone through during your cancer journey.

-Kara